Letter to my 40 year old self

Have you ever wanted to write a letter to your younger self? What advice would you give yourself? I’ve thought about this lately. I recently had a birthday, not one of the milestone ones, but something about this birthday made me stop, look back and think “damn, I wish someone had told me some things.”  I found that my 40s were transformational, more so than any other decade. I was not the same person at 49 that I was 10 years earlier. My 40s were not an easy decade, but I’m so glad I went through all the challenges. They made me who I am today and for that, I am grateful. So, in the spirit of gratitude, here’s what I’d tell my 40 year old self.

Dear 40 year-old Sonia

You’re upset, aren’t you? You’re not ready to turn 40. As a matter of fact, you’ve warned everyone not to throw you a party, or else! Ah, yes, fiery Sonia scares people! So, no one will throw you a surprise party. Well, guess what? Next year when you turn 41, you will look back and wish you had celebrated this milestone. You’re only 40 once. And this year is the beginning of many changes for you. Both personal and professional changes. Your 40s are about to rock your world. But, you know what? You’ve got this. You really do. Strap on your seatbelt and get ready. You’ll celebrate ALL your birthdays from now on! There is much to celebrate: family, friends, health, love.

You probably won’t believe this, but you’ll feel a helluva lot better at 55 than you do now. You’ll feel strong, confident, and happy. But in order to feel that way, there are some things you need to do. The first thing is this: take care of yourself! You know how when you fly the flight attendants go over the safety explanations? They tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first that way, you can help others? Well, life is like that too. You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself first.

Life hasn’t been easy

It’s been a rough couple of years, huh? Between mom dying, the kids growing up, your career (wait, what career? You’ve been too busy raising kids, taking care of elderly parents, and volunteering. There’s no time to work full-time!) you’ve started to lose yourself. You play the role of suburban mom and wife well. But, something’s not right. You feel like an actress in a play. You go through the motions of your life. This is mentally exhausting. You have no passion, but you are a loyal and loving woman so you do what you need to do, regardless of the effect on you. Eventually, this will have huge consequences on you, your life, and your health.

Everyone counts on you. It’s exhausting, right? Kids, husband, job, friends, and volunteering – something is always pulling at you. You are tired and cranky. In 4 years time, you’ll have a wake up call. You’ll be out on a leisurely bicycle trip and you will fall off your bike. Why? Well, you are woefully out of shape. So out of shape, that you can’t keep up with people who are 10 years older than you. You have a decision to make. Will you decide to get in shape? Or, will you stay as you are? Listen to the wake up call. It will change your life for the better. It will be the start of your transformation. By the time you’re done, you will be a new woman. Maybe new isn’t the right word. You will be true to who you really are. You won’t need to put on an act for anyone.

Things will get better

In the next few years, you’ll meet some amazing people and you’ll make new friends. Friends who accept you as you are. These new friends will come from all walks of life and have all kinds of new perspectives. Some friends from the past will re-appear. Welcome them with open arms. There is something so wonderful about reconnecting with someone who knew you when you were young. You will also befriend young people who reach out to you. Their energy and passion are contagious. They will lift your spirits and keep your soul young.

The 50s are a breeze!

And guess what? Turning 50 is will be a breeze!! For one thing, you’ll experience this subtle change where all of a sudden, you won’t care what anyone says or thinks about you! You know the filter you use when you want to say what’s on your mind but because of societal pressures, you can’t? The filter you’ve been perfecting all these years? Yeah, kiss it goodbye. ‘Cause once you turn 50, you won’t care what anyone thinks about you. This is liberating! But, don’t worry. You won’t become a mean person. Quite the contrary. You’ll become more empathetic. Friends will confide in you and tell you you’re a good listener. You will call things as you see them and friends will appreciate the honesty.

Want to hear something funny? You’ll become a jock! Yes, you will! The girl who used to avoid gym class will run obstacle races. You’ll even run a half marathon! You’ll marvel at your new muscles. You’ll take up yoga and realize that in spite of your endless energy, you love the slow, mindful pace of yoga. You’ll learn to pay attention to your body. You will enjoy pushing outside your comfort zone.

Listen to your gut!

Two months before your 50th birthday you will sneeze and proceed to herniate 2 discs in your lower back! Can’t make that up! Yes, you will recover. But it will take time and a lot of physio. Eventually, you will work your way back and be even stronger than before. But, you will learn a lesson from this painful episode: when you’re stressed, your body will send you clear messages. Listen to your body. This is a pivotal year for you. So much will happen. You need to listen to your gut and do what’s right for you.

If you’re wondering about your kids, don’t worry. They will be fine. You’ve raised them with good values. They are all caring individuals. Each one will carve out his/her path. You will accept all their decisions because you know that, in the end, they will do what is right for them.

A career change that will re-energize you

What about that career? For starters you’ll go back to school at 42. Not only will you go back to university, you’ll study in French! See? You can do anything you set your mind to. This second degree will allow you to obtain a full-time, permanent position as a teacher. You’ll love this job. After a few years, however, you’ll need a change. You’ll get bored. A bored Sonia is not a good thing! These will be some difficult years for you. But, don’t give up. You will find a great job! A job that allows you to use both your education and experience. You will work with some amazing people: ethical, hardworking, and dedicated people who make happy to go to work every morning. This will be one of those jobs that make you realize how much you love to work at something meaningful.

How do you want to spend the last third of your life?

This is what I learned in my 40s. Turning 40 is just the beginning. You’ll read the Jane Fonda book, Prime Time, and it will change your perspective on aging. Chances are that we’ll live to live into our 90s. If that’s the case, then how do we want to live the last third of our lives? We have time to do what we want to do! Take care of yourself because this will allow you to follow your dreams.

Life is all about choices. If you’re lucky enough to have your health and a steady job, you can choose the life you want to live. Even in your 40s, life is nowhere near over. You have choices. Lots of choices. Don’t be afraid to make some courageous choices. You don’t know how much you can do until you try. The magic happens outside your comfort zone. So, go ahead. Step outside that comfort zone.

Take a big breath. Your life is about to change for the better. It won’t be an easy ride, but it’ll be worth it.

Love,

55 year old Sonia